What's Love to You?
by Trial of Ash
Summary: Can you truely find salvation with someone who lives a more complicated life then you do? Gokudera x Yamamoto
1. Chapter 1

What's Love to You?

Prologue

'_Love…they say is a luxury afforded only to the rich. The poor are too busy trying to survive the harsh realities in their daily life to pursue the ideals and notion of true love.'_

He couldn't help but concur to the truth of it as he ran the quote over in his mind and looked around him…this life he grew and live in. The news-vendor at the end of the street who constantly bemoans the lost of an un-filial son whom she had rather not borne, Takahito-san who lives upstairs at Block B trying desperately to cope with the insurmountable medical bills incurred by his wife and a teenage daughter that refuses to break up with her boyfriend who is the local ruffian, the lady and many other girls across the street who sees love only as a business transaction, the results of being shoved into the world too young and now too jaded to live another life and him…the local junkie who never had a chance…

They have only known this world and nothing beyond, they had problems to settle, bills to pay and jobs to keep. What's love? They asks when he gets into his mode and starts his usual tirade of how unjust life is and what are they here for, how lonely life is and when will he ever find the reason for his life. Love, to him, means someone will be there when he is in need, someone to show him another world that he could escape to, someone who gives hope in his life and someone who will tell him that he will never be left alone to fend for himself. But he's passed the age for frilly romance and wistful thoughts, he just wants a life where he no longer has to con or rob or sell his body for his next high. Someone to set his life right…

That somehow seems like a far flung dream….

He got up and kicked at the dented soda can with his feet, sending it into a noisy roll down the pathway ridden with cigarette butts and the residue of vomit from party revelers the night before and stuck his hands into his worn out leather jacket to try to steal some warmth during this cold winter night. It was nights like these that made him feel most lonely…the anticipation of another holiday, the people who are rushing home to join their love ones and friends who had gathered in groups at the local pub for the New Year countdown. He walked down the street encountering lovers who held hands and whispered sweet nothings into each other's ears, best friends that laughed and giggled among themselves sharing some secret jokes that none outside their circle will understand and colleagues saying goodnight after a day's work…where does he fit into all these? He can't dismiss the immense loneliness he feels at that moment.

He wondered briefly if it would be a good idea to commit suicide on New Year's Eve so that people would find it easier to remember his death anniversary and then realize that it was too morbid a thing to be thinking of on a night like this. It wasn't like he didn't have friends but hanging out with another bunch of losers won't make snap him out of this glum. Maybe he should look for Lil'Rock and get some of it…but decided against the idea since he hadn't paid him for the last batch of goods he took from him. Lil'Rock may be an old acquaintance but he wasn't a charity case and there was only so much grace an old acquaintance is willing to provide.

He sighed and let out a heavy breath and watch the smoky breath dissipate into the air, maybe he should just go home. Welcoming the New Year with a bottle of sake and a pack of cigarettes seems to be a great idea now. He strolled into the nearest 7/11 and quickly made his purchases with what he could afford and stepped back into the chilly night and it was then that he slammed into a pillar that was adorn with one fine suede jacket and black woolen scarf. The impact caused him to stumble back and lost grip on his purchases and he watch helplessly as the last thing that could be of comfort to him smashed to the floor…he righted himself and flipped at some silver strands that was jarred out of place and glared at the offensive pillar with angry gray eyes and stood there awaiting the apology that never came and he glared harder.

_The pillar_ if not somewhat daft just walked past him with a smile that seems to bring along the summer and entered the shop without a backward glance and it was all it took for him to lose the last vestiges of control he has of his mood. He stomped in after _The pillar_ and spotted him infront of the chiller.

"Hey! You! Don't you know how to say sorry?" he bellowed as he followed the man around the shop and continued to hurl profanities at him disregarding the curious and hostile looks the other patrons were giving him.

"Hey! I'm talking to you! Quit ignoring me!" he tried again but to no avail and watched the man approached the cashier to pay for his purchases. He was livid now, it was true that he was nobody but his pride refused to let himself be snubbed at in such a degrading fashion.

He stomped directly infront of the man just as he exited the store and was about to open his mouth again when he felt something pressed against his palm. He looked down to see a plastic bag containing the same items he had bought in it.

"Sorry, I tend not to pay attention to where I'm walking sometimes…haha." _The pillar_ spoke, his voice abnormally cheerful just like his smile and the way his eyes crinkle up with easy mirth. It was an expression that told people how open this person is and full of warmth. How could anyone smile like that in such dreary weather was quite beyond him, infact, he finds it mildly aggravating.

"My name is Takeshi Yamamoto…what's yours?"

"What business is it of yours?" Gokudera answered grumpily.

"Maa…haha…you must have had a stressful day but it's no good excuse to be drinking that much." _The pillar_ whose name is called Yamamoto gave him a slight wave of the index finger as he glance once again to the bottle of sake in the plastic bag before he slung his arm over his shoulder and Gokudera wondered why he bothered to explain when he could walk away right now because he will explode if he hears that laugh again.

"I didn't say it was for myself…" he answered defensively and found it strange to be lying to a complete stranger. He was that pathetic now, isn't it?

"Don't you have somewhere to go?" he asked as he attempted to shrug off the heavy appendage upon his shoulder.

"Well, I'll be meeting some friends later. Would you like to come along? It's New Year's Eve, the more the merrier!"

He looked at Yamamoto and wondered if the man was truly dense…or was he normally that friendly to every stranger he meets?

"I don't know you besides I have a prior arrangement." He said in a matter of fact.

"Maa…haha…well, we'll know each other once you give me a name." Yamamoto insisted, friendly smile still plastered on his face.

"…."

"It's only a name." Yamamoto smile and prodded again.

"Hayato…Gokudera." He replied hesitantly and gave a nervous glance at Yamamoto, wondering why in the world he would want a name of a stranger he would probably never meet again.

"Well Gokudera, it was nice meeting you. I wish you a Happy New Year, see you around." Yamamoto gave him a two finger salute before stepping into the limo waiting for him outside the store by the street.

Gokudera nodded in response and walked away in the opposite direction…

_Takeshi Yamamoto_…the name was strangely familiar…


	2. Chapter 2

Yamamoto woke up to the memory of a pair of angry silver eyes…he had seen those eyes so many times, those dark gray pupils surrounded by an iridescent of light lilac and fanning out into sparkling silver. Always glaring at the world full of unspoken feelings of injustice and loneliness, it was the most beautiful sight have ever entrapped him. It was also one that held his heart over the precipice of heartache and sympathy. How many times had he seen him walk the street dejected and wasted? How many times had he seen him try to climb out of the gutter that was his world, only to have people who thought themselves to be better pushed him back into it again? He wondered why he is so enthrall with the man but he could not help himself from being pulled in. He did not like the thought of such beauty being ravaged by this cold and unrelenting world, did not like the thought that this beauty will never get to bloom and will wither away into ashes before it's time.

He could not forget the boy he had met when they were in high school, still innocent, naïve and happy. He wondered if things would have been different had he been given an opportunity to experience an ordinary life. Would he have an opportunity to befriend the silver haired boy, before he stepped out in the world to fight for a place to stand, before he picked up that sword for the first time in his life, before he swore his loyalty to Vongola the 10th…one of the most respected mafia godfather and became his right hand man. Would he have the chance to save the silver hair man from the events that lead to his down trodden life?

Hayato…he played with the name on his tongue, he like it…the feeling of saying that name. He was always watching him from afar in high-school. The silver hair boy was an unattainable dream to him then. Yamamoto was the school's heart throb, their star baseball player and kendo student, he was watched by too many eyes to be honest to himself. He smiled, made friends and studied hard but his heart's desires were never fulfilled.

He wasn't sure if it was because of that reason that he was always flitting around the silver hair man's life, watching by the sideline as if he was watching the backstage production of an epic blockbuster. He muses if he had turned himself into a stalker as he made his way to the bathroom and feeling anxious to start his day. He had 'made contact' finally after so many years he definitely was not going to miss this opportunity to befriend the silver hair man again.

Ooo00ooO

"Ryohei, have you got his address?" Yamamoto asked the brawny looking man who was shifting about uncomfortably in his stiff black suit and waited patiently as the man rack through his pockets and produced a crumpled piece of paper.

"I thought you know where he lives?"

"I knew which neighborhood but..." _'I just never had the courage to look him up.'_ Yamamoto answered vaguely as he thought to himself. He stood up and grabbed his wallet from the counter of the mini-bar before walking out of the front door.

"You're going now? We've a meeting with Iemitsu in less then an hour's time!" Ryohei reminded him in his ever energetic voice. He might have outgrown his _'Extreme Attitude' _on his outlook of life and matured as well over the years but his amended psychology seems to be compensating that by transferring his show of enthusiasm and zest by projecting it through his voice, making everything he said loud or obnoxious must of the time.

"I'm aware of that, apologize on my behalf and I'll be back in a couple of hours." Yamamoto said as he gave a smile and walk out of the gates leaving Ryohei fumbling with the car keys and thinking up of an appropriate excuse on why the right-hand man of Vongola the 10th wasn't going to be at the meeting because he had more important things than his mafia family to take care of.

Ooo00ooO

Gokudera grumbled and pulled his blanket over his head as he pointedly ignored the sharp raps on his door, he couldn't understand why the moron hadn't left. Isn't it obvious enough when the door was left unanswered for half an hour it probably meant that no one was at home? Beside, anyone knocking on his door this early in the morning probably won't be bearing any good news. Perhaps his landlord is after him for the rent again and that is a situation he wants to avoid at all costs.

He was determined to return to dreamland and was about to doze off when a voice called out his name…a voice that is unbelievably too cheerful and bright. Yap, he definitely remember where he heard this voice before but what is that person doing outside his home? He stumbled clumsily out of bed dragging the blanket with him to provide some modesty since he prefer sleeping naked and he wasn't bothered enough to look for clean laundry at the moment.

"Whad'dya wan?" he asks swinging open the door, unable to talk properly with his tongue feeling all swollen and thick in his mouth. Damn…his head hurts like hell too. He looked at the man standing at his door and tried desperately to remind himself of his name…Yama something isn't it?

"Maa…haha…am I too early?" Yamamoto greeted and stared at the large expense of slightly tanned skin exposed unwittingly to him and felt something tighten in him and his face heated up. It wasn't supposed to trigger such a reaction in him but after so many years of admiring from afar and yearning for the day when he could finally meet him face to face, he shouldn't be so hard on himself…

"Isn't that kinda obvious…?" Gokudera mumbled and pulled his blanket higher up to his chest not feeling entirely comfortable with a stranger staring at him so intently. "Gim'me a moment." he mumbled again before slamming the door unceremoniously in the face of the unsuspecting and uninvited visitor.

Yamamoto waited patiently outside while he tried to phrase how his proposal would be brought about. He did not want the silver hair man to think that he was some kind of weirdo or if he has any ulterior motives…basically speaking, it is precisely because he wanted to meet the man face to face and to create an opportunity to be closer to him that he was here. So that counts for a motive…he also needed someone who was familiar with the streets and whom the dealers weren't wary of…how can he get the guy to welcome the idea of getting hired by a guy he had only met at a convenient store and whom he barely know? Yamamoto shook his head. He was a man of stature and he had survived even more troublesome situation then this. Surely offering a guy some job shouldn't have him babbling to himself in his mind…?


End file.
